I’ve felt like a raw nerve since Sunday. To the point that last afternoon, when I walked past a dead sparrow on the sidewalk, my entire body seized as if I had sneezed. And then last night I had a dream that I walked passed several different dead animals on my way home.
So I asked the cards why on earth I felt so raw and exposed now when I’ve been feeling so good about all the changes in my life.
The 8 of Swords is juxtaposed with the Two of Cups and the Three of Cups. And I had my answer.
I’m right on the cusp of a shift in my personal life. I have all but excised a seemingly kind, but actually very toxic group of friends, and I’m taking steps to spend time with healthier people and open myself up to the world around me. The 8 of Swords represents what I experienced with that friend group–self-victimization. The 8 of Swords is an awful place to be in, but a safe one. If you see yourself as victim to powers outside your control, it’s really easy not to do anything about your circumstances in life. And when you’re surrounded by people who see themselves as victims in situations they’ve created, you feel more comfortable not helping yourself as well.
Being open to new people and situations means that I’m going to take ownership of my actions, how I help and hurt myself. And that means that all of the feelings I had buried under non-confrontation are coming to the surface. There’s an energetic shift, one that will be rewarded with the 2 of Cups and 3 of Cups (Hooray! My favorite cards!), but in the meantime I might still feel like my heart has been flayed by eight swords.
I also happened upon an article in Elephant Journal on change, love, and creativity. There’s an energetic shift happening this week, and if we walk with open hearts and open minds, we’ll be rewarded with a lot of positive change. So I will keep this in mind and try to take deep, calming breaths to be open to all of the good changes ahead.