After my reading for the Scorpio Moon, I decided to ask the cards what I needed to release in order to grow. I assumed some self-pitying swords cards would pop up. I have a moon in Scorpio myself, with deep, roiling emotions that can get away from me. So I figured the cards would tell me to cut out the dramatics–easy peasy, just point me in a direction. But this reading really threw me for a loop.
This seemed really good. Princess of Cups, Strength, The Chariot. What did I need to release from this? I was sure that maybe I wasn’t listening to myself and pulled the wrong cards. I figured I’d let them breathe before shuffling and pulling again.
And then with my morning green (Yogi) tea, I got this message:
And I decided that the cards might need a second look.
I love pulling the Soul Trees in tandem with my Ancient Egyptian deck because the Egyptian deck gives more a concrete, intellectual reading while the Soul Trees get to the emotional, intuitive heart of the matter. And I feel like the three pairs were telling me that I needed to get rid of three things:
- Love without compassion
- Discipline without exuberance
- Momentum without purpose
As a screwball Aquarius with a moon in Scorpio, well, I can be cutting to say the least. My mom once said to me that I was like a sharp sword, ready to cut people from my life at a moment’s notice. I can understand intellectually how a person’s hurt allows them to hurt others, but I get so offended emotionally that I lash out or shut down. Well, this is a good reminder that if I want love in my life, I actually need to open myself up to love. Have some compassion and kindness rather than judgment and fear.
The last two, I’m sure, are about my business. I love making jewelry and teaching, but I’ve been running on autopilot. A few years ago, I had a year-long battle with scarlet fever that made me fear for my life and worry about my future. And I went through it alone for months before telling anyone (that secretive, secretive Scorpio moon again).
Aside from the toll on my health, it took a toll on my creative life. I stopped being visionary, and started being reactionary. I stopped looking for new venues, testing out new designs. I lost myself. I kept applying to the same juried art fairs and teaching at the same places. Looking back now, I think I was shell-shocked after being so rattled about my health. I kept moving forward without any real sense of an end goal. I stopped dreaming about my shop in LA, making custom pieces, and I just kept treading water.
I have to get back to why I started this business in the first place. I have to be excited about what I want to do. And I have to have an end goal. Which are all things that have been rattling around my brain, but now it’s right in front of my face.
Thinking back to that first pair about love and compassion–maybe it’s about time I forgive myself for being human and experiencing a setback after a huge health scare. If I can’t be compassionate towards myself, there’s no way I can get back to feeling as powerful as the avatar of Kali Ma herself.